Understood

I understand Lord, I am yours. I crave You, I crave your spirit. I need your presence. I give you what I am. I no longer consider myself a citizen of Earth, but one from Heaven.

You have changed me. I praise you, because you really are worthy. You really, really are.

Re-Revelation

I am so distracted by the world. I spent some time with God tonight and felt that he spoke to me. This world is not my home. It's something like the Matrix. What I see in front of me will fade. My future dwelling is with God. It's time I spent more time with God, who is on the more "real" side of things, his Kingdom, unseen in a way, but coming and allowed to break through in some ways. I pray for his healing at the same time knowing that I really don't even deserve anything. Grace has blown me away. I am even called his son. I long to know Him better. Forgive me God that I have been so distracted by life that I could not see the forest through the trees. Let the me return to this birds eye view again and again.

Training

Life seems to be all about training now. Physical training to get my body stronger, dietary training to understand what foods boost the immune system, and last but not least, spiritual training to understand God's heart and my response. There is nothing God cannot do, so I am leaning on the Great Physician, who also happens to be my Father and creator of the universe to help.

Physically, I feel great. Mentally I have a certain peace "that passes all understanding" that seems to be from God. I do have "twinges" of fear, which I have to rebuke.

It is very odd to be on this side of the fence. I promise that I will tell everyone about God's healing when it happens, and post it here, of course. I'm still wondering *how* it's going to happen.

Lymphoma

On December 19th 2009, I received a shock when I got back bloodwork from a routine exam. I've now been diagnosed with follicular lymphoma, which can take several years to take a toll. Fear struck me as I realized that this is the worst time this could happen. I have two very young kids who are going to need me for a long time.

So, I am being prayed over and believing God for healing. I have never really looked into healing before and am learning as I go. I find there to be a range of different beliefs, from "God stopped healing after the apostles" to "God heals now for those who have faith".

Natually I started to search the web and find out all about follicular lymphoma, which some doctors call "the good cancer". I'm sorry, but unless someone can tell me that I'm going to be there for my wife and kids later in life when they need me, it's a bad cancer. There is no "good" sickness, especially something that is life threatening and currently incurable.

So I am putting my faith in God for my healing the same as I put my faith in him for my salvation. I am his child, he cares, he heals. I know he is capable of healing and my faith is growing that he *is* healing me.